It was National Breastfeeding Week, and ironically it was also a week of me trying to decide if I wanted to continue on this path or to wean. In the last month and a half Halle has decided that she no longer likes to breastfeed during the day. She refuses the breast, removes herself after a few tugs, and gets fussy. However, if I go pump, then feed it to her via bottle, she's fine. It's driving me insane! What was becoming easy for me, breastfeeding, has now become another task in my already very packed schedule and lists of things to do. At first I thought it was a fluke, and continued to try to nurse her at each feeding, but every single time she refuses the breast. I googled so many things including and not limited to, "baby won't nurse," "baby refuses breast," "baby prefers bottles," and so forth looking for information, inspiration, answers, and solutions.
I chalked it up to be, well, everything. Teething, growth spurt, nipple confusion, fast flow, slow flow, distractions, etc. I gave each reason the benefit of the doubt and kept trying. I tried, and tried, and tried. Week after week...Halle will not nurse from the freakin' boob.
Let's be honest for a second. I hate pumping. I think I would love pumping if I worked out of the home, because it would give me a chance to sit by myself, breathe, and relax. At home, this is not the case. I do not have time to pump. When I'm pumping, it's usually accompanied by Halle's impatient crying, Noelle climbing on my back, asking me 500 questions about the pump, my boobs, and milk. I am far from relaxed. I also get mad. I get mad that what should be a 10 minute nursing session becomes a 10-15 minute pumping session (the pump takes longer to "suck" the same amount of milk that comes from a baby's suction), followed by another 10 minute bottle feeding session. 25 minutes versus the normal 10 - this really gets me mad. So time consuming!
Motivation is deeply required at this point. Not to mention that while she prefers the bottle during the day, at night, she is completely content with breastfeeding - a little too much. She has decided she no longer cares for the pacifier and would rather be comforted by my breast. Great. So, we are getting up about 3-5 times a night to nurse. It would be fine if it was just that, however if I stop nursing, she wakes up mad. She wants the boob in her mouth all night practically! She wakes up looking for it and yelps until it is inserted back into her mouth!
What gives!?!? So during the day you want nothing to do with my breasts, and then at night, all you want is my breast!? WHAT IS GOING ON!?
I know that I want to keep going. I know it. Deep down, way way down, underneath my hatred of pumping, my anger, my D-MER, my sleepless nights, my frustration, I want to provide Halle with breastmilk. Whether it be from the boob (preferably) or the bottle, I want her to have it.
I just need motivation. And help. Anyone out there with insights on why she refuses the boob during the day? And also, any insight on what I should do about her at night? I'm one tired mama! Okay, ONE more request...any words of wisdom or encouragement you have?! I'll take any. Thanks mamas.
*I'm a complete celebrity follower, obsessed with Hollywood gossip, and inspired by many celebrities. I started a collection of pictures of some of my favorite celebrity women breastfeeding - for motivation! Anything at this point to keep me going! (You know the mantra, "If she can do, so can I!")