December 30, 2011

"Now I Understand..."

Now I understand...unconditional love. I find everything about Noelle irresistible. Her poopy diapers look like masterpieces, I applaud her when she belches like a grown man and I adore the scent of spit up on her skin.

Now I understand...other mother's pain in public when their babies cry. Once I used to think "Geesh, can't you shut your baby up?" and now I think "Oh you poor soul. I pray for you that your baby shuts up."

Now I understand...why people abuse caffeine. Without coffee who knows if I could even leave my house?

Now I understand...the value of money. Because if I had any I would hire a cook and a maid.

Now I understand...why reality TV exists. What else is there to do when your baby demands to be held 8 hours a day?

Now I understand...why parents act like utter fools. You will do anything to make your baby happy, even if that means making up songs sung in Pee Wee Herman voices while prancing around like an idiot. Dignity is overrated.

Now I understand...a clean house isn't all it's cracked out to be. I used to be a neat freak, now that it looks like a baby bomb exploded in my house, I hardly even notice.

Now I understand...to never judge someone on their appearance ever again. That lady at the Target who looks like she may be homeless as well as colorblind? She probably has a baby. Or she may be me.

(Speaking of Target,) now I understand...why there's a Target on every street corner. Moms go to Target 50,000 times a week. Sometimes I forget that I don't actually live there.

Now I understand...why there are "mom jeans" and "mom haircuts." I have accepted that I won't be fashionable again until my baby is at least a year old. The closest thing I have to shopping is Pinterest.

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